Signs your marriage is over (and signs it just feels that way)

Almost everyone Googling "signs my marriage is over" already has an answer in mind. They're looking for permission, or they're looking for a reason to keep trying. Both are reasonable. Neither is a diagnosis.

Here's the honest split.

Signs the marriage is genuinely over

• Active contempt with no remorse. Eye-rolls, mockery, name-calling that neither of you tries to repair. Contempt is the single biggest predictor of divorce in John Gottman's research, and the data is most damning when it's one-directional and met with indifference.
• One person has already left, internally. They've stopped fighting because they've stopped caring. Conflict at least requires hope.
• Repeated infidelity with no real change. One affair can be survived. A pattern, especially one denied or minimized, usually can't.
• Abuse — physical, emotional, financial, coercive. Not a marriage problem. A safety problem. Leave first, decide later.
• Fundamental, non-negotiable values you didn't know you had. Kids vs. no kids. Stay vs. move. Faith vs. none. Discovered late, with no overlap.

Signs it just feels over

• You're in the roommate phase. No fights, no sex, no spark — but also no malice. This is fixable. It's the most fixable thing on the list. Ten minutes a day, on purpose, for a season.
• One of you is in a depression neither of you has named. Marriages are downstream of mental health. Treat the depression first.
• You had a baby in the last three years. Marital satisfaction craters in the first 36 months of parenthood for almost everyone. It's not your marriage. It's the math.
• You haven't had a real conversation in months. That's a habit, not a verdict.
• You're attracted to someone else. Welcome to being human. It only matters if you act on it or use it as a story to leave.

The honest test

If you can imagine a version of your partner — and a version of yourself — that you'd want to be married to, the marriage isn't over. It's just not in that version yet. The work is closing the gap.

If you can't imagine that version even with a year of effort, that's different. That's information.

If you're unsure, take the Stay Score. It won't tell you what to do. It'll tell you what's actually wrong, which is usually the part you've been avoiding.